After an excruciatingly long social hiatus full of studying, studying, and well, studying, I am proud to announce that I am finished (for now). For those of you who don’t know, I recently took the test in order to obtain my CFP® designation and prior to those two hellashous days of testing, when I wasn't working I was studying. All day, every day. No joke. I even studied while at the lake for a bachelorette weekend. Talk about miserable. But, it is over, for now. I find out mid-September how I did. If I did not pass (VERY good chance of that) then I will retake it in November. I may have met my match with this one...
Have you ever committed to something, anything, in your life and while smack dab in the middle of it you REALLY want to back out only to realize that you can't? Yeah, that happened to me about fifteen times during my nine month stretch. Panic attacks, nightmares, sleep deprevation, moments of self-doubt, and neck, back, and hand cramps were all a part of the gig. My social life took a major hit since I was only able to attend SOME of the "major" events while the smaller (and just as important) things I was begrudgingly forced to kick to the curb. I became BFF with the local coffee brewery workers seeing as I pretty much kept Starbucks and Poplar Perk'n is business.
Some days I spent roughly sixteen hours at the office working and studying. My butt made permanent imprints in the conference room chairs where I would study at night and on the weekends. Yuck. Our kitchen table found new residents in all my study materials. It was easier to leave them out for the six or so hours I was not using them than to pack and unpack each time. I would study before, during, and after work, on the weekends, in the car (audio flashcards... if I pass, they would be the reason why), and on airplanes. Anyways, you get the picture... my life revolved around studying. I can not imagine what it was like to be in my life or around me during this time. For those of you who were, ya'll are angels.
I find it a little amusing that I had this new found hatred for my life for reasons that I brought on myself. Pretty comical if you think about. I was miserable beyond comprehension and I alone caused it. Funny, right? Okay, maybe not laugh out loud funny, but kind of a smirk, shrug your shoulders funny? Riiight... moving on...
It is a strange thing finishing something that has been the central focus of my life for so many months. It was everything. It had to be. That was the only way I had a shot at it. People called me disciplined. Maybe, but I really think it was derived more from a fear of failure than anything else. (Issues, I know.) I gave it everything I had, mentally, physically, socially, emotionally. I turned off so much of the world around me and sacrificed so many things all in an effort to pass a test that statistically, on a good day, has about a 50% pass ratio. Sheesh. Come on for Pete's sake. Cross your fingers, jump up and down on one foot, turn in a circle while holding a lucky rabbits foot, and say a prayer all at the same time... because I need all the luck I can round up.
I began this uphill battle in late September by making my way through an online course which took five and a half months. Then, I studied on my own for three months which was followed by a cram course in Dallas where for four days, 8 a.m.-5:00 p.m. sometimes 6:00 p.m., I was in class… oh yeah, we did get a fifty minute lunch break (woo!). Then, July 16-17, aka D-day, a day which will live in infamy, I took my test. And, ever since then I have been trying to unwind. Side note: it helped that I had bottle of champagne pretty much waiting for me from my co-worker/teammate when I finished my third and final session on Saturday. I think my friends and family are more excited to have this test behind me than I am… cough, cough, Stephanie. I know it was so annoying. Every third word out of my mouth those last three or so months was "study" or some form of it.
Friend: "Lyndsey, what are you doing tonight?
Me: "Studying."
Different Friend: "What are you doing this weekend?"
Me: "What? Outside of studying…? Not sure."
Sister: "Where have you been? In a hole? I haven't talked to you in forever! I hate this test."
Me: "I know. I'm sorry. I will be finished soon. Okay, I love you. I gotta get back to studying."
Sister: "Uh. Terrible."
I could go on forever. From sunrise (literally) to well into the evenings I lived, breathed, ate, and drank the material. Rather bland if you ask me.
Right after the test I didn't know what to do with myself. I had so much free time (in comparison to my pretest life). It was unbelievable. There were moments when I would forget I was finished and think I needed to study. It was so habitual for so long that my body went into a sort of makeshift autopilot, but NO MORE! WOO!
What shall I do with myself now??? Well, for the next month or so until I get my results I am going to partake in nothing but the good stuff! Life as I know it may once again be over when I get those results and realize I have to retake the darn thing, but until then I am going to live it up! What that entails? Weddings, travel, travel, and more travel, reading for pleasure (yay for being back in book club!), laying by the pool, hanging with my family, yada, yada, yada. The sky is the limit.
More to come on all of that...
Until then.
"Committment is what transforms a promise into reality. It is the words that speak boldly of your intentions. And the actions which speak louder than words. It is making time when there is none. Coming through time after time after time, year after year after year. Committment is the thing character is made of; the power to change the face of things. It is the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism."
(My sister sent me that when my test was just a few weeks away. I really liked it. Encouraging words that apply across the board. A "daily triumph of integrity". I just love that.)
