Highs and lows.
Longing. Searching.
Work to be done.
Easily sidetracked.
Derailed from my goal.
Days, months, years.
Finding my way...
slowly, but surely.
The reality of my existence is that I am selfishly more aware of myself than I am of God. A straight and narrow path has been graciously laid before me, like a red carpet unrolled at a star-studded award show, to give me a chance at a full and complete life. The problem is that I am so easily deterred from this "GPS-esk route" that I create detours complete with twisting side roads and dark, dangerous alleys. Whether it is for minutes, days, or years, because I am taught to live solely by reason, logic, and emotions instead of by God's word, I am bound to get lost; that much is inevitable.
A speaker I heard a few weeks ago at my church whose lecture was titled, "Hearing God's Voice in a Noisy World", said, "God speaks clearly, creatively. Man speaks and makes decisions by what he sees and hears. This is the wrong gauge to know the truth. We need to make decisions and live on the word of God." If I listen to these worldly decision-making standards long enough they will become mental habits, and we all know how hard habits are to break. Passing thoughts turn into addictive habits which eventually turn into lifestyles... I have to break the pattern. I have to use God and lean on Him.
Living a life consumed by worldly "addictions" disallows me the freedom that God sent His son to die for on the cross. I have to discipline my mind to thwart off these thoughts and discern God's voice amongst the deafening noise of the world; meditate over the Bible, read the religious books, pray to God like He is my best friend. The other side to the coin is that sometimes it is not only about asking God for help, but also about the discipline I must require of myself. I need to step up and step out and be someone God can use. Take responsibility for changing myself through and with God. Thoughts can and will become addictions if I do not break the pattern.
My pastor once said in a sermon that "God is more concerned by the root of our behavior than the actions themselves. When our heart is right our behavior has to follow". Okay, so if I am innately damaged, as we all are, how then do I change my heart? Well, I think the answer is I don't.
Let go and let God, right?
In "Mere Christianity" C.S. Lewis writes, "We begin to notice, besides our particular sinful acts, our sinfulness; begin to be alarmed not only about what we do, but about who we are... I can to some extent control my acts: I have no direct control over my temperament. And if (as I said before) what we are matters even more than what we do- if, indeed, what we do matters chiefly as evidence of what we are- then it follows that the change which I most need to undergo is a change that my own direct, voluntary efforts cannot bring about. And this applies to my good actions too. How many of them were done for the right motive? How many for fear of public opinion or a desire to show off? How many from a sort of obstinacy or sense of superiority which, in different circumstances, might equally had led to some very bad act? But I cannot, by direct moral effort give myself new motives. After the first few steps in the Christian life we realize that everything which really needs to be done in our souls can be done only by God."
I can not help but act and react based on the way I feel; I am only human. It is how I am built. So often I try to change my life by conforming to the rules of the world, bettering myself according to its standards, when what I really need to do is let God change my heart. I can not try and manage my behavior. I have to change the root problem from the inside out. My actions, reactions, emotions, morals... my life... will follow. It has to.
Because the world is so enticing (and we all know how much so) it makes my flesh yearn for things I should not want and do not need. My flesh tells me that it has grown accustomed to something, so I will not take it away. It wines and complains until I give in. I am so weak. It happens every day. I convince myself that I need something when in reality I can live without it. In Romans 12:2, Paul states, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Until I stop conforming to the way of the world, I will never be able to know and understand God's will. There they are, the words for all to see. But can I do it?
All the time- surround myself.
Remember and review.
Recite, observe, and obey.
Love and live them out.
God uses disciplined people.
Romans 8:3-4 says, "For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit."
By following the ways of a constantly changing world, in turn, I am constantly changing. I am allowed no sense of self, no true identity. I end up a shadow of my former self, almost unrecognizable at times. I am always searching for the next thing when what I need to do is fix my eyes on Jesus and lock down my sense of self through Him. It is the greatest form of stability; firm and steardy ground to stand on for once in my life. Often I find myself lost and consumed in the world's shouting, so much so that I can not hear much less recognize God's voice. It becomes distorted, muffled, and slowly and steadily fades into the background of my chaotic life. Pretty soon it will be completely nonexistent and then what? Who will reign over my heart?
I have to find a balance. I have to figure out a way to walk life's tight rope, the ultra fine sharpie sized line drawn down the middle of my path which allows me to be in the world and not of the world. I can not allow myself to become a part of the world's makeup. God tells us that "there will be trials and tribulations, but take heart... I have overcome the world and so you too can over come the world" (John 16:33).
This verse pack a big punch. Simply stated, I have a chance. We have a chance. By God sending His son, we have a shot at overcoming a disappointing, disheartening, and challenging world. Limitless hope. Freedom from physical bondage. A new place with a new heart and a new start. It is the only way.
HOPE.
God's greatest gift in the form of His son.
HOPE.
A sweet release from life's pressures, disappointments, and all the baggage we have collected over the years. On our own there is no way for this to happen, but there is one reason: God. He works in each of us and changes us in such an unique and different way, but for one common purpose... His will.
But, here's the kicker; we have to decide to do it. The negative is so consuming it is sometimes hard to breathe. Sometimes I need to take a step back, take a breath and realize what it is I have to do. (I do this constantly.) Do not let yourself become so engulfed and overwhelmed by the things around you that you miss out on why God has you there in the first place. We are not here to be overwhelmed. "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me." (Psalm 138:7)
Stop. Breathe. Recognize. Refresh. Restore.
We may not always be looking for God, but God is always reaching for us.
He is always with us. He is always with us. HE IS ALWAYS WITH US.
If God is for us, who can be against us? We are loved by God and He will provide limitless resources to live out our lives to His utmost. Only through His son dying on the cross are we provided with such a limitless hope. How can any of us survive and thrive without hope? Without Him I have no shot at winning the battle for my spiritual life. We have a chance, but only if we choose to take what He is offering.
My sister, Erin, recently attended a church in Los Angeles that she loved. She emailed our family a link for the sermon from a few weeks ago. The crazy part about it was that it went along perfectly with my blog. So, I decided to include the link to the sermon in case anyone else is interested in listening to it. It is titled "The Distracted Life".
Same perspective, different words. Enjoy.
http://feeds2.feedburner.com/AT_SUN
***I say all of this as a reminder to myself. In no way, am I trying to preach to or teach anyone because that would mean I know what I am doing, and I do not. I am constantly learning, and even though, at times, I feel like I know what to think and say, this in no way means I follow my own advice all the time. Like I said, I am still learning. I am any great designer's worst nightmare... a never ending work in progress. Like I said before, these words are meant for me, but if anyone else can get something out of them, that makes it even better.***
***I say all of this as a reminder to myself. In no way, am I trying to preach to or teach anyone because that would mean I know what I am doing, and I do not. I am constantly learning, and even though, at times, I feel like I know what to think and say, this in no way means I follow my own advice all the time. Like I said, I am still learning. I am any great designer's worst nightmare... a never ending work in progress. Like I said before, these words are meant for me, but if anyone else can get something out of them, that makes it even better.***
"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world."
- 1 John 4:4
- 1 John 4:4
