-"Secrets of Happiness" by Michelle Medlock Adams
I think fear and faith are polar opposites; they compete in the battle for our hearts, for our lives. The devil feeds off and uses fear while God shines and rises up out of faith. Fear extinguishes faith like water to a fire. It takes constant and abrupt reminders, sparks in my heart, to acknowledge the power of my faith. Fear makes me forget, panic, and retreat, but faith is the breath of fresh air I need to be courageous.
Without my faith I would be in a constant state of running and hiding, and that is no way to live. It allows me to enact the "Carpe Diem" mantra and live a full and laughter-filled life by bringing out a sort of deep and pure happiness in which no other thing can compare. Nothing else in this life brings that exact smile to my face, that same form of peace to my heart, and that amount of confidence in myself. My faith allows me to live the kind of life I could otherwise only dream of.
I have always believed that faith steps in and provides reassurance when knowledge, understanding and reason leave me feeling hopeless and confused. I heard someone once say, "something in your midst but not fully recognized". I believe it to be Him... always. There have been so many times when I know the facts, but I have been too scared to realize their total impact. For example, I know the course of events leading up to and during the cross and resurrection, but I tend to forget the power available to me because of it. I am so wrapped up in me, my world, my actions, my situations, I forget there is something so much greater.
I am a complete Type A personality (anyone who knows me just smiled and maybe even laughed a little in agreement). Throughout my life the many facets of my personality have blessed me in a variety of ways. I will not begin to bore you with that side, but I have to say that being me has its many, many... many annoyances as well. There is probably no need to mention this seeing as y'all are the ones who deal with me, but as my own personal form of therapy and for the blog's sake...
It is hard for me to let someone else take over or to even recognize the need to relinquish control. I struggle with feeling the need to be the "planner". I love to be right, and I hate eating crow when I am not. I would rather have others placed in my hands than trust someone else to take care of me. I love to work under pressure and find it natural to take on a leadership role, so it is difficult for me to step in line and follow. My issue with following is that it requires a certain form of blind trust and that kind of faith is very hard for me. To truly and unequivocally trust someone, to fall backwards and be engulfed by a fate in which I have no control is definitely something I struggle with, but on the other hand…
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11, one of my favorite passages in the whole Bible. There is an endless amount of reassurance and certainty in that verse. It brings me so much hope, I guess that is why I love it so much. How can I be worried or scared or unsure when those words are right there plain as day?
But, if trusting in Him is what He asks of me, why am I so quick to say no? This is the hardest part for me to wrap my head around. Why do I say no... all day, every day? I am good at it. Really good. So good, in fact, that most of the time I do not even know I am saying it. I procrastinate and postpone, create excuses and explanations, and twist and turn around everything He is telling me. The other side of this coin of negativity is when I know exactly what I am doing and I do it anyway! I don't know which side is worse. Not knowing so that I am not able to change or knowing and not having the will to change. How is it that I can continually convince myself that this is all okay?
One of the greatest challenges about stepping out for the Lord and following through with His plans (however small or large they may be) is removing myself from the pedestal I have created. Resting confidently, high above anything that could potentially knock me off, I have to force myself down the steps, passing right by everything that provides me any form of comfort and support.
Step one: control… gone.
Step two: timing… no more on my watch.
Step three: leading… learn to follow.
Four, five, six...
The steps seem never ending. I reach without knowing when my foot will hit solid ground. It is like that trust fall game we all used to play when we were younger at church and sports camps or the one when we would lay on our stomachs and close our eyes, arms overhead, and then slowly they would be lowered so it felt like we were going through the floor... yeah, freaky every single time.
Where is the bottom? I am I supposed to know?
Maybe not...
(Remember what I said earlier about me and trust? This is where it gets hard)
How it usually works is I want to do things my way, on my time. That is what I expect. It is just the way I am wired. The good part about my way and my time is I know what will come of it and when. I am in control. The bad part is I am left with a limited span of expectations and results that are not always good. God's way is and will always be greater. His way may not always be easy, but God's leadership will forever and always take us where we need to be (even if we do not see it that way at first). I have to hoist Him up and watch the me I know crumble to my knees, proof of His strength and my weakness.
His leadership is sometimes ordinary, sometimes magnificent, but it is always reliable. His abilities are not in question. What is uncertain is whether I have the courage to follow Him.
"...we need to be willing to do what God asks us to do- no matter what... Trust God and listen for His quiet urgings."
-"Secrets of Happiness" by Michelle Medlock Adams
What I have come to realize is that God does not act alone, although He could. He acts through everyone and everything around me. He uses us. He wants us to be free, and He wants to use us to set others free. God calls and then He equips and provides. He accompanies us on the journey which allows us not only to survive, but to thrive under His wings. What I find amazing is how people's lives can be intricately intertwined and yet completely independent according to God's plan for us. We step in and out of people's stories all the time. Sometimes it matters to them, sometimes to us, but if we are truly fortunate we will both be affected according to His will.
One of the most frustrating things to me is that I do not have the ability to see all aspects of any given situation, and even worse, I am blinded by the disillusionment that sometimes I can. No matter how broad our views, how open our minds, or how flexible our opinions, we are still more limited than God. He never meant for me to see my life from every angle. It is for Him to reveal to me as He chooses. My life is the greatest mystery of all with one small difference; I know the ending. Sometimes it is not getting from one place to another, but about the journey along the way.
Here's the thing- eventually, God brings each of us to his or her own desert. You may experience one long one or you may feel like your entire life has been a bunch of little tiny deserts strung together. You may be in one now, coming out of one, or just about to enter yours. However it is, was, or is going to be for you, we can all relate. The beauty of it is even though we have much to learn while we are there, He will always show us the way out. And, step by step, as we make our way through, He gives us the understanding and reassurance of knowing we are exactly where He wants and needs us to be. He knows the plan and that is enough. Nothing else really matters.
Fannie Crosby wrote, "All the way my savior leads me".
So simple. So beautiful. So difficult to do.
The point of life is not to know the future because then we would think we had all the answers. The point is to step into the future with a faith of knowing God is in control. Choose faith, not fear. Allow yourself to be used.
"Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings."
-1 Peter 5:9
"Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses."
-1 Timothy 6:12
"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong."
-1 Corinthians 16:13
