Painful Poetry

There was a point in my life when I was hurting so incredibly bad because of the actions of someone I loved very much. It was the kind of pain that you don't know where to go with it or how to make it go away. Avoidance, lying to myself, and strength only took me so far. When I came to my breaking point, this is what came of it.

Of course, it came in the form of written words which no one will ever hear me say.

All that I am is because of you,
Forever changed by the things you do.
I cast blame on you for the me I hate,
The bitterness inside I was forced to create.
Tear drops fall, but you'll never know,
Emotions deep inside that I'll never show.

Some recognize the wall that guards my heart,
In building that wall you played your part.
The choice is not mine as I walk life's path,
Your shadow forever lingers, my life the aftermath.
I love myself more when you are not a part,
Sadness refuses to inhabit this hopeful heart.

The chances I bestowed are too many to count,
The arguments and self-hatred continue to mount.
There is no more anger left to show,
Only sadness for what we'll never know.
All of the memories forced to the darkness of my mind,
Overshadowed by the present, times I refuse to rewind.

Nothing worth remembering, details lost in the fights,
Sick of all the crying, no more sleepless nights.
Something so beautiful, brokenness was not the plan,
No method to this madness, no name to this game.

What's left to save if you won't save yourself?


"But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief. Yet if I speak, my pain is not relieved; and if I refrain, it does not go away."
-Job 16:5-6